I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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