speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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