this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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