Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
