so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
