i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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