i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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