Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
