honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
