no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
