I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
