Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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