Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
