Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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