I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
