I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
