the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
