It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
