i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
