Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
