Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
