gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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