I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
