I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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