Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
how does that bad decision feel?
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