Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
