My brain says no but my pants say off.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
