dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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