I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
