I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
