They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
