If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
