I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
