I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
