who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
