It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
