OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
