i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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