id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
