Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
