You just made me feel so damn special
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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