I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
