He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
