and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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