if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
