My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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