I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
