how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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