theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
