I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
