So drunk its hurt
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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