he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
