hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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